I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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