the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
