my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
