i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You've changed since you got that strap on
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
