I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
