he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
