At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
