my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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