I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Randomize
