Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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