Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
we're making bets on your personal life
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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