I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
