last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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