I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Randomize
