So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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