Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
