You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I party with great urgency now.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
