she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
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Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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