so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I need to align my fucking chakras
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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