You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
