I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
