She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
