Already got asked if we're dating
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
