he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
