I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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