How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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