We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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