He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
