Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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