New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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