I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
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