so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
