Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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