I hate all girls vehemently.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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