dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
