i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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