I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
