The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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