Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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