bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
