one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
