My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
