Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
