Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
