someone get that fucking seahorse.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
