By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
