well I can't set my house on fire every night
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
