Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
