I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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