I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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