if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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