your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
