Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
