A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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