she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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