at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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