it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
