meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
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My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
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This is my gift to your gina
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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