I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
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