I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
