Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
