he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
