sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
