i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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