i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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