my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
