I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize