I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
zippers are such a cool invention
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
