My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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