Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
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I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
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As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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