She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
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