I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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