i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
