So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
