After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Randomize
