god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
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